i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
