My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
