i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
