If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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