After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
