haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
