We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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