I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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