When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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