what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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