I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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