I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
