I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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