I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
