Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
