i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
