eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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