Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
