At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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