Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
