he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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