i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
