I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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