I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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