As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
