walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
