Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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