so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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