So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
