I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
