ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
