i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
