that's an acceptable place to lick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
