Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
