Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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