So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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