If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
