My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
