i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
