Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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