did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize