Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
