end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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