Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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