How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
