the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So apparently I’m into choking now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
