If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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