I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I want to be your penis for a week.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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