I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
