AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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