I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
