honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
